My Life As Remee.

chapter 7

2010-06-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

if it's a pen and paper you want,
to let your feelings be heard and felt,
then let me be that fine sheet of paper,
and you the pen to write your emotions out,
for i'll be your diary of dreams and reality,
and you'll be the ink of the future to foresee.

you<3 :|

impulsive

2010-05-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

Truth is, I'm impulsive.

And regret is all i have running through my blood.

I'm deeply sorry.

constrained.

2010-05-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

i hope you're not being in a constrained relationship.
Cause if you do.
im really the one at fault.
sigh.

goodnight.

one day

2010-05-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

if one day i were to fall.
go missing.
or unheard.

If one day i were to leave you behind.
I'll always remember,
I had the most wonderful time of my life.
Thank you for being there.

love.

sharpen.

2010-05-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

If you're reading this.
Be sure to know that i understand you.
Stop giving me all this crap bout you.
I've seen your worst and your best.
And no matter what i believe you're much more capable then i do.
So stop the unnecessary troubles.
And just believe in the trust and hope for.

That i'm really in love with you.

<3 to cupcakes.

tf.

2010-05-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

If you'd read this.
Just tell me how far would you go for all this.
Would you sacrifice what you one for the ones you love?
Or would you just return to your simple minded thoughts and never change?

But for now i guess i'd know what you'd always do.

You'll always be the same.
Well run along now.
Go find those guys for attention now.
That's whats your loves best.

broken.

2010-05-03T17:51:00.000-07:00

I feel as though my life is broken.
I can never do things right.

todie for

2010-04-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

if it was my last day on earth.

would you be there?

would you listen to my words with clear acceptance?

would you be awake to hear my voice?

will you be the last person on my mind?

Ghost ship

2010-04-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

been telling myself that it passes in time,
that the words they erode as the light goes dim,
and in time there will be peace and
that time will erase and that time can break you down.
held hostage by the past,
held hostage by those days,
and you want to escape and you want to remain, here.
please dont let me forget.
living in this disconnect.
there are those times when you connect to the space
left empty by the words you never exchanged, and you never heard.
those words we simply felt.
been breaking yourself,
you've been counting on time and time can take so much to believe in.
wish me luck, let me remember.
and it scares me to know that one day i wont be haunted by your ghost (stay with me) that one day ill lay awake and struggle to remember a face (stay with me)
it will be lost ill breathe, remembering that i wont remember anything (stay with me) it never stops.

Sinking Ship - Ghost story.

unnamed

2010-04-22T13:25:00.000-07:00

I used to listen to what Grandpa said.
And once he said this,

To be there is one thing absolute.
But to be there for someone is a greater challenge.

Well i guess its true for my life.
I miss you deep. )':

secretsss

2010-04-18T05:32:00.001-07:00

Here's a secret.
I always loved to win.
But i always lose to her.
But i still pretend to win.
And i've made her sad.
I've admit defeat.
What should i do next..?

koe

2010-04-14T23:19:00.000-07:00

feels shaken.
i don't know what to do.

lyrics.

2010-04-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

"For You"

From the first day
That i have seen your face.
And after all those times we've spent.
You know that i'll tell you.
That you're amazing.
The one whom always drives me crazy.
Falling down on my knees.
You've got me.
You've got me madly in love with you.
And everyday i'll
I'll always think of you.
No matter how days are blue.
No matter how days are blue.

Baby you know love you.
My hearts there right beside you.
Knowing all this feeling's are true.
I fell for you
I fell for you at hello<3

"for that special someone who had restored that feeling in which i could have never asked for more."

disappear

2010-04-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

for now, i'd like to disappear.
when the time is ripe again.
i'll come back knowing you'd still be here.
i made a mistake and i have yet to forecast myself.

fck

2010-04-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

your double standards are killing me.
im unaware and fooled by your silly words.
if you cnt keep your words true.
dont speak.
cause im not going to be fooled.

dont

2010-04-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

There's this girl whom i'd die for.
She knows i'm madly in loved with her.
But she likes to make me angry and jealous.
I hate it cause it's testing patience.
I hope she knows it.
But yet i still love her.
And her name is.

Nurulaini
:\

where we are now

2010-03-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

Letting go of our troubles we're still holding tight.
I'm never a perfect.
Apologies.

Will you still hold me tight?

fail.

2010-03-17T21:54:00.000-07:00

im sorry.
it makes me feel horrible when you're sad.
i don't wish to get out from my bed.
afraid that i'll make you sad always.

what this means to me

2010-03-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

REDEMPTION

all we need

2010-03-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

I can't rejoice all the happiness in my life cause of you Mom.
There's too much responsibilities to handle Dad.
Im still young and i can't consume everything.
My mind's breaking up.

truth is.

2010-03-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

I'm asking you to shape my heart.
I want to be your work of art.
'Cause when you change me.
you make me more like You.

<3 you

i fucked up.

2010-02-28T07:13:00.000-08:00

i am selfish of myself.
but doubt enough.
i can't get you out my head.
im sorry i've hurt you in my intolerable quest in answers.
truth is i've always believe that we are love.
and it proves me that i can never be wrong of that anymore.
I hate missing you.

verdict.

2010-02-27T09:32:00.001-08:00

Leave him or i'll Leave you.
You choose.

emarosa

2010-02-24T08:40:00.000-08:00

"I will die for what i can do, and i will die for what you can't."

confide

2010-02-14T23:40:00.000-08:00

so what makes you play this game.
with results always the same.
and nothing but bad reputations to gain.
it speaks to me like all is fine. |:

yes this is love.

2010-02-12T10:19:00.001-08:00

"Holding hands.
Dinner by the stars.
Fireworks that lit up the sky.
Cotton candy and Carnival rides.
Ended with a cute surprise."

a day i've always dreamt of. (:
ty.<3

oh its love.

2010-02-11T18:16:00.001-08:00

"the person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly." - maria (quotes from eleven minutes by paulo coelho)

Life

2010-02-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

"we fall prey to the inevitable term called loneliness.
thus in form we found a hidden path agenda love.
in which we become adventurers in seek of different mystics."

el-

the wonders

2010-02-07T11:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i wonder if people get me.
Sometimes i wonder if people take me seriously.
Sometimes i wonder what's it like to be better.
Sometimes i wonder why we would ponder.
Sometimes i wonder why do i wonder.

For now,
anyone else but you.
is all wonder.

2009-12-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

perfection that always fails resulting in none existence.

2009-12-07T09:32:00.001-08:00

This is me.
And in you baby i believe.
071209 <3

2009-12-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

In them, This Is The Reason I Believe In Music.

2009-12-06T00:17:00.000-08:00

almost ruined everything.
sigh in disbelief.

2009-12-04T21:17:00.000-08:00

Patience is killing me,

2009-12-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

feeling retard.
im a mess.
all i have to do now is hope for the best.
i've lost interest.
have not much faith.
all there is left is hope.
and all i wanna do now is just maybe hope-less.

2009-11-29T09:38:00.000-08:00

even when time fails.
you're still there.
like a rainbow light.
guiding me on life's path.

2009-11-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

had a bad fall on the concrete path.
bruises and cuts all over.
a good day gone bad bad.
But at least gotta skate with my birthday boy Joehann
ahahhahaahahahaha!

here are the pics of the eeeeeeee~

2009-11-22T10:17:00.001-08:00

2009-11-19T08:51:00.000-08:00

walking in this cold misty weather.
and going back to the place i called home.
i felt alone. lonely.
and i kept wishing praying by all means.
i hope that i'd be strong to overturn what's already began.
from all this sleepless restless of nights.
the thought of separation i could not bear.
of not having you around.
makes me feel nothing less than a man.
i begged for i am wrong.
let's let time heal it's way up.
and turn back things to where it starts.

2009-11-14T22:47:00.000-08:00

needs treatment and therapy.
:|

2009-11-14T09:06:00.000-08:00

my line of trust crushed.
my heart sank.
deep in thoughts.
i don't know what to think.
telling me this you slept with your bestfriend.
i got a sore.
it makes me ache.
so how do i feel..?
i hide my pain.
and made a puke.
but this wound inside.
how can i even heal.

,-_-,

2009-11-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

she made me found hope in myself.
vanilla baby <3

2009-11-07T22:39:00.000-08:00

i wish i had time.
to settle down my thoughts.
i have no way to escape.
im tired of this upcoming months.
someone please take me away to January.

:/

2009-11-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

you made my day.
you made me smiled.
thanks vanilla baby. <3

but im still torn.
from all these doubts.
to whom.
stay together for the kids.

2009-11-03T01:10:00.000-08:00

im walking on the boulevard of broken dreams.
alone there waiting for bad news.
like walking on broken glass.
but no answers for what was asked.
sometimes we're wrong when we think we're right.
i never wanted it to be this way.
when this roof over my head cracks.
i wonder what would happen next.

Crashing down like the pouring rain.
in front of your eyes.
it falls from the skies.
when you don't know what you're looking to find.
i never had enough to be believe in faith.
but i do hold dearly to one last hope.

2009-10-31T11:59:00.000-07:00

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world till the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm into the blue
And when I lose myself I think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
Through the monsoon just me and you.

Vanilla <3

2009-10-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

For some, they might have think im kinda like that guy above.
But what i could really phrase on is that.
For now, things are falling in place for me.
And im definitely gonna enjoi that.
:D

2009-10-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

I could feel the breeze as though time had stopped.
With you in my arms.
my life begins.

2009-10-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

2009-10-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

i stumbled and fall.
i knew what you meant.
i know you were right.
but i've failed and i disappoint.
i didn't want you to feel more hurt then what i had.
it's hard enough to make a point to say things.
but i did rather suffer in my own hands.
im sorry and i wished i could.
but i could never be what was in your mind.
cause i gave up hope in me.
which i had already made you crumble in your life.
i apologize for my words are hush.
if only you knew my intentions were.
i gotta hand it to you.
that somehow you were the one that actually made me be on top.
a spot that i've never felt before.
you made me realize how important feelings were.
where i had none you'd be there to give it all.
after all that's happened.
i feel missed out today.
knowing that your not gonna be there no more.
and that was my biggest mistake.

im sorry babe.
i knew i should have kept my words true.
:/

2009-10-18T01:50:00.000-07:00

awake and in front of the screen.
im sick and i never had this recently.
maybe this is the pain i've held for so long.
let loose and things pasts happened again.
i once never believe much about reality.
but seemingly facts made me into who i was.
once bitten was quite a shy.
but if it's twice it'll be sorrow filled with lies.
what's more of there to be a third..?
staring at the screen i somehow had tears.
having this thought of a start.
that could've been much distort.
the gush of wounds i've felt.
make it far much the same.
but rather much pain infinitely.
im done for.
im tired.
if our paths do come across.
i'd give it one last try with no promises.
somewhat giving up on what i could've believe was Love.

2009-10-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

Sympathy's

i apologize for the wrong signal's sent.
to be honest i wanted to make this work.
Or much be willing to try it out.
and a fact i thought we were mature enough,
to know bout all these heartbreaks and what's gonna happen next.
i guess we both were too selfish of our own believes and wants.
i tried to hold you down for a moment and really share my thoughts.
but you wouldn't listen much and i kept it going your way.
somehow at times your indirect comments do make me wonder.
what have i done or am i the one that suffers..?
i hated your thoughts cause it was plain dull and much of fairy tales.
i got clueless at conversations that are sometimes linked to pointlessness.
i wonder what did you really see in me when everyone already knows.
and due thought you'd except and expect me for who i was.
but No.
you simply wanted things to go well with all your sorted thoughts.
it's not all the mushy stuff that we want in a r/s.
it's more of a mutual understanding.
and a much more adequate open mind about viewing things.
but did you ever try to pause and really try to think what was outside the box..?
try harder, try your best is what i always said.
cause you weren't tat observant enough to actually care.
you can blame me 24/7 for all you know.
but please take a min and look at yourself of what you've done.
wouldn't the rest of the guys would want to be there for you,
if you weren't the one bringing yourself down..?

i got wasted.
()';

2009-10-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

2009-10-13T02:06:00.000-07:00

2009-10-13T02:05:00.000-07:00

2009-10-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

STRIKE 3!

09/10

Had a great time at 20.
Had lotsa fun with my friends.
Rather a family i suppose.
Awesome pizza's.
Fun talks.
I was surprised that things went as planned by yan.
Cause im kinda somewhat jinxed on october.
I dunno why but really i am.
Anyways Aidil met up with us later that night.
I gotta tell ya that guy seriously can give you one hell of an awesome surprise.
Had a few arcade games (i lost to yan 3 times on guitar hero)
Went to BK to have some supper meals.
Had a not so funny 3hr movie.
Thanks botak head! :D
Went our separate ways.
Me and Aidil went over to wait for buses at Dhoby.
Had the most awesome chats with him ever.
Thanks bro.
you've really made my day.
overall i got Chocolate :P

10/10

Spent my time at my granny's.
Had a splendid dinner treat there.
Finally got to meet my granny.
Then things started to get bored.
So i went off after that.
Met Asz in town with Suhaimi and Chasey.
Had a giggly time.
Fun chats.
Went to meet up with Kurt and Dan after that.
Chatted some probs.
Ate paddlepops.
Went home.

11/10

Me and Family went out for lunch.
Dad's treat.
Ate two meals wahahhhaah! :D
Then dad surprised me with a cake.
Oreo cheesecake!
hahahahaha!
with a candle lit on top some more.
My bro and lil sis went on with a Happy Birthday song.
Went home to assemble my new Chocolate~
Skate skate bishan.
And DAMN SON.
I gotta start all over again with all my tricks so called gone.

PS: skool's starting tomorrow.
FUCK! :|

2009-10-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

i somewhat had the best time spent today.
till someone at home broke the lucky chain.

:/

-explosions in the sky-
*awesome*

2009-10-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

im.
dissapointed.
upon.
myself.
pick.
me.
up.
now.
i.
need.
you.
soo.
bad.

);

2009-10-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

~In My Mind Right Now~

okay firstly.
i feel soo wrong cause im kinda dating the girl whom my best bro crushes.
what's worst is that i thought i let my chance go for him.
then end up the balls back at me.
so how do you think i feel?
when you actually wanted your best friends to be happy but you end up somewhat whom destroy their hopes and foundation?
i spent restless nights thinking and thinking.
the agony of thoughts itself demotivates me.
and i wonder am i what i am..?
Im trying my best to not fail both hearts.
so i turn to friends whom i thought could really help and give real advices.
but noo, they seem to make me look at it like some sort of a game. fuck.
and plus thanks for tonight.
a somewhat despo suddenly pops up and say hi.
i dont know you but i like you 3 years back?
huh?
what the fuck were you thinking moron..?
were you born from a computer..?
fuck la.
im jinx every october.
and i knew it ever since my 13th birthday.
yes 13th.
fuck 13th you asshole!

2009-10-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

tonight i somewhat went.
boom boom boom.
:D

<3

2009-10-02T15:19:00.000-07:00

It's fucked up when friends use you as a cover up for their coup.
Fine i had a mess and im cleaning it up.
another problem came and i just kept doing my job.
till a friend told me off as if im at fault.
reason is i kept quiet not taking a point.
i kept my heart cold.
and my conscious is clear.
and i don't need a book judger to ask me off what to do.
you were in my place before.
how did that feel?
to be pressurized by useless thoughts unnecessary thinking's.
you didn't give a damn.
you retaliate cause you know what's coming next.
so what's the point of all this dumb debate.
everyone has to stop pressing somewhere.

2009-10-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

how do i feel when such a sentence could actually obtain me.
disheartened by the lingering facts.
mistakes that just keep on coming back.
motivations became somewhat more barriers to overcome.
and my mind is fucked up by the drizzling pain and thoughts.
i'd wish to disappear from where i left off.
but im back to square route 1 where it all began.
i aint worthy to be in such pairs.
it's just a picture where im not in at.
im stuck like a framed glass in time.
able to see and dream.
but not accomplishing them.
i have not much guts but lotsa mojo.
where i'll never win in this love of war.
maybe it aint my luck neither the floor.
For there's No Love That Can Save Me Now.

2009-10-01T01:03:00.000-07:00

My mind's picturing me this. But my heart defers it's feelings.

2009-09-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

i somewhat miss stepaside.
i somewhat want to know what it is to love.
i somewhat can't stand of being a follower.
i somewhat lost faith and passion in my life.
i somewhat regret not calling you my Almighty.

2009-09-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

After months and months.
and years and years.
effort after effort.
bruises and bruises.
all i got from that is this.
*woooooow*clapping of hands*boards smacking*hand gestures*
done.
all that for this.
no wonder boards are exp.
and thanks to a friend who helped me figure out that,
"boards comes in a package together with bruises, cuts, scratches or benjol. lifetime warranty."
just when you thought you got it all figured out.
something came out like this.
hahahahahahha!
take care.

benjol - bumps.

2009-09-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

i wished that it could grow in me.
hmmmm

2009-09-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

this is just words.
thoughts that are penned down.

Lyrics

i woke up in the middle of the night.
staring at my walls i needed a plague.
changing to my cleans i went down walking.
begging at the trees.
what do you see in me.

i looked at my watch it was 12am.
it was infront of the 7-11.
bought a drink and a light for the night.
found a spot that hit my heart.

is it real that you really wanted my heart.
is it true that i could make you go wild.
i held my lie on the line.
if i always was played dumb.

sitting down on the bench.
i caught a glimpse of what we said.
to a time when were just two teens.
a stupid time thats made just for romance.

how could i've been so dumb.
to let my armor my guard down.
words that perpetuate.
emotions made a heartbreak.
you so addictive i could hardly take.

2009-09-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

Perfect

Sitting back at the park bench.
I let my mind slip back to a shorten past.
A time where i felt i was held high.
Knowing what's past is reality.
I felt ashamed that i didn't get to hold you long.
The feeling still lingers around.
Being with you i felt strong.
An established hope you implanted in me.
Makes me go on for miles.
But i didn't make it far as like those in the movies.
A need for a moment to be that certain character.
To pause time frame and cherish the feelings.
Guess i was too afraid to fail.
But yet i did.
If i could turn to a time.
I'd just pause at the moment where we were happily splashing.
Lying down on some random ground.
Gazing at the passing by clouds and the stars.
And i remembered it was like in the movies.
That i had finally got a chance to feel happy and smiled.

Thank you for all those memories.
I'd be sure to move on.
But i do hope one day our paths cross.
And you could still accept me as a friend.
Cause i believe it's what we both do best.
:/

2009-09-14T23:49:00.001-07:00

"Everytime I Look For You"

Never found out why you left him,
but this answer begs that question,
Too blind to see tomorrow,
too broke to beg or borrow.
Young and Stupid, left wide open
Hearts are wasted, lives are broken

One more point of contention,
I need some intervention
Approached with vague intentions
betray my short attention span
The distance, bridge the border
Beg forgiveness, round the corner

Everytime I look for you the sun goes down
And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground
I left another message, you are never around
But everytime I look for you the sun goes down once more
Will the last one out, please shut the door

More time apart will give you,
a few more months to argue
Is this to much to live through,
it always seems to far to drive
The point home, send more letters
Pray tomorrow, ends up better

Everytime I look for you the sun goes down
And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground
I left another message, you are never around
But everytime I look for you the sun goes down once more
Will the last one out, please shut the door

I never did do anything that she asked,
I never let what happened, stay in the past
I never did quite understand what she meant,
In spite of everything, in spite of everything

Everytime I look for you the sun goes down
And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground
I left another message, you are never around
But everytime I look for you the sun goes down
And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground
I left another message, you are never around
but everytime I look for you the sun goes down.

Blink 182 - Everytime I Look For You

2009-09-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

my views.
what i saw.
sparks a lot of debate.
today.
i saw what was very much of friendship.
life might be horrible for some.
good for others.
lovely for lovebirds.
happy for suckers.
i saw that i could no longer relate.
on topics to talk too most of my friends.
maybe we've all grown up.

tonight.
a dear brother of mine.
lost his granddad in the most unpredictable way.
i'm sorry to have heard of your lost Aidil.
i wish we all had enough time to ammend our mistakes.
but it's just wasn't fated enough for us some to do so.
chins up bro.
may your family be more bliss and blessed by Allah
bersabar la.
i trust you could do that.

on my way home.
i saw a man.
on the floor next to the bustop.
lying there dead.
and to know that he was that old guy with the tumor.
all i did was just stare the fuck at him.
not doing anything.
i wish i could be this cold everyday.

if i had a chance.
i'd live without memories.
i dump all of it.
all joy, happiness, hatred and sadness.
and loving it cause all of it doesn't exist anymore.

2009-09-06T10:31:00.000-07:00

sucking up my pride.
i kinda feel fucked up about myself.
about what's left.
done and over with.
i wished sometimes.
memories that i have wouldn't be much of a stain.
a virus that ruins my system of functioning.
a vault filled with much agony of mistakes.
if someone could just give me that hope.
a hope to realize i was never wrong of the things i did.
a hope for that someone who could control almost my everything.
i'll hit restart.
and hope that it's the 3 letter words again.

fcuk.

2009-09-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

Love is just something on the stove that's ain't true.
It is definitely more of as fake as you.
Sooooooo.
FUCK YOU!
till den
bahahhahahaha!~

:D

2009-08-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

Tell me tell me.
What's worst then waking up early.
During a fasting season.
Taking an hour and a half journey bus ride.
And only to find that you don't have classes.
Neither today nor tomorrow.
Damn.
Maybe i woke up on the wrong side of ta bed.
Damn son.

():

2009-08-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

Haahahahhahahahaha!

Straight To Ya Fucking Bones.

almost

2009-08-26T00:48:00.000-07:00

A day back.
I had the worst dream.
It was one of the days i've always asked for.
But have no need of it.
I saw whom people called the grim reaper.
Yes.
This is not some make believe story.
It's real.
There it was.
At the peak of my feet.
Tall and dark figure.
I was on my bed,
Sweating from fear.
I couldn't breathe much.
Just as i thought i had nothing much i could do.
I prayed.
I closed my eyes and prayed.
Slowly it faded.
The undescribable presence disappeared.
And that very second i figured.
God still wants me to nurture me more in this world.
And maybe it wasn't really my time yet to go.
But it left a mark to dwell on.
With this infection in my lungs.
There's only limited stuff that i can do.
And im thankful of that.

And yes.
Ramadan is such a beautiful month.

2009-08-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

Jaded

I don't know how to express myself.
An apology which words i have could never possible be expressed.
Maybe sometimes it's just best to express your feelings through music itself.
This clip above is dedicated to all my ex-ex's and everyone.
Im sorry if i was always a cause of your unhappiness.
Insecurities.
Always making you girls feel shitty.
Sad.
Disappointed.
Depressed.
Im stupid.
Im reckless.
And i fucked up your life.
An

Blink Blink

2009-08-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

Never blame yourself for much.
Cause you'll end up degrading yourself.
In such that it'll affect your way of living.
We are meant to live with no regrets.
And no restrictions.
No law could ever overcome our own life's.
I'm opening myself much to my old routine's.
The dreams which i always felt as a kid.
Living my life.
With open arms and open mind.
This is what i'll live for.

And someday.
I'll be a punk rock kid again.

Hahahahahahhaahhahhaahhhahah!

hahaha!

2009-08-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

"What? It'll clear up, I promise, I got some ointment for it,
the doctor says it's not infectious it'll be gone in a week."

-Tom-

2009-08-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

Its sad.
To know people whom you dearly love.
Could pass away at any moment of time.
To those lucky us out there.
We should spent some quality time.
Before it's all too late.

What are you here for?

2009-08-15T02:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not okay.
I wished to be a concern.
I don't like it this way.
It feels fucking one sided.
The feeling i have in me.
Infused with much thinking.
And it'll burst soon enough.
Like clouds of a down pouring rain.

Gazing Wishes Dashing Stars

2009-08-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

Could i deserve any better..?
Could i ever be such a concern to ya..?
Could i spare much of your time..?

I just wondered and wish i could.

If it means a lot to you.

2009-08-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

All in a year.
I felt something significant to live for.
Even as temporary hoping it'll last.
I miss those tender moments.
Those moments that we had while walking down those boulevards.
With swinging palms.
Clingy arms.
Perfection hugs.
Where time stood still.
Gazing at the city lights.
Buses passing by.
Your smile glows through every obstacle.
Never failing to meet my eyes.
Your warmth would burst unimagined wonders to me.
But for now all is held up.
Time moves and plans started to change.

I hope someday.
It'll all be somewhat different.
Yet awesomely the same.
(;

Circle's

2009-08-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

Somebody's gonna miss us.
When nobody's here.
This last time.

cloud 13

2009-08-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

Consoled by your text.
Im extremely touched.
My expressions always overlooked me.
Nonetheless my eyes tell tales.
Im never gonna doubt you.
Never tried too.
Cause im on the clouds.
Trying my utmost best to reach cloud 13.
Where all my wishes awaits for you to make it come to life.
Am never gonna leave.
Till you ask me too.
PS: I Love You (:

Wishing Well

2009-08-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

I wish.
I could have his voice,
And express it.

here's the lyrics.

I see it in the way you would do
When no one else could ever get through
Holding back til I come around
Time and time again you wait for me to comin'
And did you really look my way?
Cuz no one coulda seen this coming
I would never let you down
If I was running back working full time

So I can and I will and you'll see your hero come running
Over and over tonight

And I do wanna love you
If you see me running back
And I do wanna try
Because if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I'm going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time

Me, I'm used to being tired and bloody
But you believed that I could be somebody
You put your world on hold for me
Gave away to follow, feel you through the fire
I need you to know I will
Believe me girl I'm so tired of running
I just wanna hold your hand
Stare at you like you've got everything I need

And I can so I will and you'll see your hero come running
Over and over tonight

And I do wanna love you
If you see me running back
And I do wanna try
Because if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I'm going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time

And what if I never said to you I was dynamite
And what if I never told you I'm afraid to cry
What if I never let you down
And said I'm sorry for the nights I can't remember
What if I never said to you I would try

Yeah Yeah Yeaahh

And I do wanna love you
(If you see me running back)
And I do wanna try
Because if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I'm going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time

Hold back your tears this time

Violent Waves

2009-08-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Things turned no longer rationale.
Time freezes to speak it's tale.
Momentarily forgiven.
The truth begins to unfold.
Mistakes comes to life.
In breed to unpredictiment.
Thoughts gone wild out of reach.
And the mentalist within saw all of what it is.

These are some of the events.
That's running my system.
Someone come help me.
Release this caged prison.

stillawaiting

2009-08-10T04:37:00.000-07:00

im tired.
i really am.
im tired of waiting.
i simply had enough.
ty.
i just need some quality time.

smiles*

2009-08-06T04:04:00.000-07:00

what's the point.

2009-08-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

I know im tired.
And i should be sleeping.
But im thinking of this.
Is it worth that your fighting about something.
And end up being all gushed up cause you wanna protect both parties from being hurt?
More of is it worth it that you always get in trouble just for a group of friends,
and just so you didn't want them to feel bad.
Im wanting this.
I don't care anymore.
And my mind will speak.
I should be fighting for myself and not to ease all your selfish needs.
Fuck you ff's

Existence proven worth of.

2009-08-02T10:43:00.000-07:00

Today was really a big highlight for SA.
After months of silence.
Days of insomnia.
Hours of worthless fights.
We finally stepped on the fucking stage once again.
It may not be a concern to much ado.
But the fact that these five brothers.
That never gave in to the will of defeat.
Had overcome their darkest shadows of obstacles.
I personally would like to thank on behalf of everyone.
For living their hearts out and giving opportunities to make more dreams.
Turned into reality.
Congrats to Step Aside.
We Deserve it.

dear nad.

2009-07-30T05:37:00.000-07:00

I hoping for less nowadays.
And if you're reading this i want you to know that im sorry.
Im sorry for not being able to cope with your mishaps.
Im sorry i couldn't be there to understand you that well.
Im sorry cause i lost believe in myself to actually pursue my love.
I know it makes you wonder why.
But i seriously want an honest of opinions of what am i to you.
I don't for a fact trust that your even truthful with the words you speak.
Nonetheless your a good liar as you said.
I didn't want to believe it was a mistake to throw myself back out into society.
I was proven kinda wrong.
I tried so hard to be a better person and start a fresh.
You made me feel like as if im bitter again.
Its not your fault that all this is happening.
And that all thoughts are running while.
But couldn't you even spare a minute baby to just tell me all the scars that we both could possible have..?
You're still lingering in my mind baby.
I couldn't sleep nor eat.
I can't focus myself in school and the things i do.
I want us to solve our problems right.
I want to continue from we left off.
Please baby just this once.
It wouldn't hurt to just let your guard down that much.
I don't wanna be a friend.
I wanna be that person who could help you overcome boundaries in your life.
I just wanna be with you badly.
I just need you baby.
That's all i ever need for now.
<3

Thanks

2009-07-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

All i ever hoped for is just to hear from within you.
But since you wanted it to be this way.
Im sorry im pissed.
I'll respect your decision.
Thanks baby.
You made my fucking day.

One paused

2009-07-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

11.13pm
It shook me off guard.
I was taken back to a part.
A part that happened early this year.
And i reflect on my one self.
I broke down.
To know a fact that im always gonna be that bad son.
Or im even not i don't care.
Cause i've failed.
I couldn't redeem myself from my disgusted past.
I am trying my best to move on as much.
But just having that thought which arise in me.
That imprisonment.
Doesn't help it being better nor making me into an entirely changed person.
I just need support.
Support in which could help me deter into something worthwhile.
I don't exist in my parents love nor their beloved heart.
All i ever wanted was them to believe in me.
And it hurts so.
Soo badly having to grow up with them unwanted all these years.
I apologize for what im denial at times.
But you.
You mum telling me i wasn't your son anymore.
Hurts me more than anything i had ever lived for.
Im hurt, inflicted, disheartened, traumatized, sober, despaired, outrage,
retaliate, depressed and saddened.
I was never once a good son.
I didn't know what happened to me.
It was a merely a mistake given birth to me.
I could have never been your son.
Cause that's what you guys always said.
Ever since i was 3.
Thank you.

Restart

2009-07-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight i've learned a valuable lesson.
It doesn't mean that you know someone you could enter their life.
Doesn't mean you know that something you could actually solve it.
And doesn't mean you exist you'll make an impact to other peoples horizons.
What's past is past.
And should not have been brought back.
A past is a moment of time.
A matter of state that is indescribable.
Could change and destroy ones self.
That much effect that even scientists couldn't solve the infinite.
Look forward.
Mark a path.
Head straight and never look back.
We all can overcome it.

to my baby:
as long as im still standing.
as long as my hearts still pumping and beating.
I'll never stop thinking of you baby.
NEVER.

You're not alone

i would i promise.

2009-07-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

Baby i know for a fact that your awesome in my life right now.
Im glad for the chance to meet you in this life.
Even to think that we met not that long back.
It feels like we've known or meet each other long ago.
That warmth which i get from you every time we meet up.
Gives me such goosebumps which i would think and hold thought of through nights.
You've stolen my heart and its definitely a pleasure of you keeping it.
Of all my years.
I didn't or even came close to get a chance in believing that someone like you.
Like you baby really exist.
I was so cold to myself that i left my mind to suicide.
You've helped me change my beliefs.
I thank you soo much for that.
I promise i would make everything alright someday.
Even to the extend that i would sacrifice my soul for my beloved baby.
I would do everything i could possible can to make it all go away.
Please baby let me in your heart i swear i wont make you regret.

i love you );

write something

2009-07-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

PS: To dear whoever.

This is how i feel about life right now.
50-50 friends, 100% family depression, Pure lonesome.
And full of pain in the ass heart.
On my account for the record.
Im nothing much then a big sack of burden to most shoulder's.
I feel neglected at times when i really need you there.
It felt like thunder when he said don't you have a home anymore..?
Saddened like a stone in the lake of despair.
Broken to bits and parts of a plane crash.
Thoughts that run wild in my head.
Could gush as if a long winded Armageddon would befall to what i've been always sacrificing for.
To brothers whom couldn't turn their backs on ones past.
And to fail right in front of those cursed eyes.
This is my life.
Its what we didn't wait for.
Outrage by anger that breeds the youth in me.
I beg you out there to help deepened my darkest forecast to the outer most layers of my human mind.

Dreaming.

2009-07-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

Find out the difference somehow
It's too late to even have faith
Don't think things will ever change
hmmm i must be dreaming.
But.
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all.
Somehow it's different everyday
In some ways it never fades away
Seems like it's never gonna change
I must be dreaming.

To all whom knows me.
Im Sorry.
Sometimes knowing too much always gets the better of you.
And sometimes its just good to be a stone.

Best Of Me

2009-07-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

All these things that i've done,
Now what have I become.
And where did i go wrong...
I don't mean to hurt, just to put you first.
I won't tell you lies.
I will stand accused with my hand on my heart
I'm just trying to say.

Believe it

2009-07-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

There's always this saying that "there's always a first" in something.
no matter what you do or come to start on.
A day back was sober.
thinking that none of my problems would've ever been solved.
none of my friends were really friends.
none of my bro's were really bro's.
and none of whom i feel would be special is special.
but to the point that i got soo wasted i caught a glimpse of what i did get to catch by the naked eye.
truth that even scientist could have known of.
i saw what life really is.
every bit of it.
no matter how bad you really hate it.
and i believe that friends are one of the pillars of philosophies in life.
without them you'll never could never possible move forward.
they are soo special that they could create bonds no matter how good nor bad ones.
they could comfort you, confront, antagonize you, be nice, consult you and mostly be there for you.
there are the ones that tried to understand even in the worst downfalls.
they are the ones that could talk to nor hate easily.
but to really get them is just ain't plain simple.
in order to do so.
we have to reflect on ourselves.
our personality.
every detail that we have to offer.
the willingness of acceptance is what's sooo special in them.

i wanna thank Asz.
i wanna thank Yan.
i wanna thank Aidil.
i wanna thank my band, my friends for having all that.
they have been there for me.
through almost every possible boundaries that i have.
i thank you all coz u guys seem more to a family to me.

and lastly i wanna thank nad for letting me to want to believe that there's still someone special in life.

so before you really wanna say FMF,
think of the possible reasons that you cant really live without them.

The Fury

2009-06-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

The sun is setting on my back.
As I run from the problems, that i just can't face today.
Overwhelmed I'm so distraught.
I felt so strong
just yesterday.
Painting a picture of a world
Where no one has to struggle
and everyone gets along.
But all this never prevails.
Only to know that we'll all fall down.
and just bleed away.