11.13pm
It shook me off guard.
I was taken back to a part.
A part that happened early this year.
And i reflect on my one self.
I broke down.
To know a fact that im always gonna be that bad son.
Or im even not i don't care.
Cause i've failed.
I couldn't redeem myself from my disgusted past.
I am trying my best to move on as much.
But just having that thought which arise in me.
That imprisonment.
Doesn't help it being better nor making me into an entirely changed person.
I just need support.
Support in which could help me deter into something worthwhile.
I don't exist in my parents love nor their beloved heart.
All i ever wanted was them to believe in me.
And it hurts so.
Soo badly having to grow up with them unwanted all these years.
I apologize for what im denial at times.
But you.
You mum telling me i wasn't your son anymore.
Hurts me more than anything i had ever lived for.
Im hurt, inflicted, disheartened, traumatized, sober, despaired, outrage,
retaliate, depressed and saddened.
I was never once a good son.
I didn't know what happened to me.
It was a merely a mistake given birth to me.
I could have never been your son.
Cause that's what you guys always said.
Ever since i was 3.
Thank you.

Labels: pause